


New Life on the Ice Age

by Orca478



Series: Where Animals Take Care Of Tony, Becuase Humans Can’t [2]
Category: Ice Age (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And a rouge may be eaten by a dinosaur, Baby Tony, Civil War Team Iron Man, Cold boyfriends, Diego and Shira become his parents, F/M, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Minor WinterFrost, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Steve and his delusional quest, Steve is heading to a very very painful death, Steve killed Tony in Siberia, Tony is reborn as a Sabre cub, it’s crazy but it’s Ice Age sooooo, not team Cap friendly, tons of ice in this story, warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25622386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orca478/pseuds/Orca478
Summary: It’s said that once a person dies, it’s reborned into another compeltly different being.That happened to Tony when he was killled by Steve, but no one said you are reborned human all the time.There is also a legend, that underneath our world, the creature with thought extinct are still alive.That’s no legend, it’s true.When Tony died, he was reborn as the cub of the Sabres Diego and Shira.Tony has almost no memory of his old life, what she remembers are seen as nightmares and dreams.However. Now Tony is growing up with the herd. And they ship him nothing but love and kindness, specially his new parents.Too bad Steve tries to stop that. Life for him and the rogues is not good, they are constantly bashed and humiliated and Steve is sick of it.So when he and his team, as well as SHIELD. Learn by a disguise Loki of the truth, they go on this delusional quest to bring Tony back, not caring he is just a baby now.Steve should have really thought things threw.The Herd protects each other.Oh and Steve, NEVER mess with a mother.
Relationships: Diego/Shira (Ice Age)
Series: Where Animals Take Care Of Tony, Becuase Humans Can’t [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856113
Comments: 34
Kudos: 154





	1. Restart

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go.
> 
> A crossover with Ice Age. I bet no one has ever thought of this.
> 
> I know the movies aren’t the most popular. But I really like them, specially the 4th one.
> 
> This is just a short story where Tony gets a restart with a true family.
> 
> Steve and the others are flat out the villains here, trying to get a poor cub from his parents. 
> 
> “Shakes head at Steve.”
> 
> When this is done Steve, you would have begged to be back on the ice.

“MY MERCHANT !”

Lady Death came in Siberia and saw her precious merchant dead.

“Oh no, that stupid steroid freak will get it, when he dies I’ll send his soul to the most painful place, and then he’ll return as a flower that everyone steps on.”

“Relax Sister, he needs to die first.”

Lady Life came to her side.

“He killed my merchant !”

“And if we play our cards well, he will die soon.”

“What do you mean ?”

“This poor boy hasn’t gotten the love he deserves. Do you want the new him to grow up were he will have everything, and also we’ll lead the ones that hurt him to pain and misery ?”

“Ohhhh Yeah, tell me where I send my precious soul.”

“Remember the ice world bellow Earth ?”

“Yeah.”

It was a bit cold.

“Look at him Diego.”

“He is beautifull Shira.”

A little Sabre cub was just born. He is orange like his father. 

As many sabre cubs his eyes still don’t open, but is a matter of time.

“Come here little one, there is no need to be afraid.”

Shira got her little cub and nuzzled him.

“There is no need to be after. Mommy will always be here.”

“So will Daddy.”

“Hey Daddy, can we see him now ?” Manny said.

“Yeah, but come quietly, he is a bit scared.”

The Herd came in to the cave to see the baby.

“Oh he is so cute !”

“Hey Diego, when can we baby seat ?”

“Brooke can when he is old enough, you, never in your life Sid.”

Manny gently pressed his trunk on the little one’s face.

“He is cute, welcome to Herd little one.”

“You can’t see me, or Daddy, or the Herd. But we are your family, and we won’t allow anything to happen to you, my precious Tony.”

She licked him as he curled in her paws.

“And if anyone tries to hurt you, Mommy will make sure they pay for it, hard.” 

Death smiled as the mother said the last part.

“You will get the life you deserve with them, and this Rogers will get what is coming to him.”

“DOWN WITH SHIELD, DOWN WITH THE AVENGERS !”

“STEVE ROGERS IS NOT MY CAPTAIN !”

“THE AVENGERS MURDERERS !”

“JUSTICE FOR TONY STARK !”

“JUSTICE FOR IRONMAN !”

Steve watched as the protesters gathered around the compound.

This was not how he thought things would go.

When he saved Bucky in Siberia. He reunited with Fury and Hill, he rejected the Panther’s offer of asylum, they don’t need it.

They went, saved his team, and regrouped.

They had a plan. Tony’s actions have proven he is to dangerous to be left on check, so they are gonna have to keep him at the base, where he can be supervised.

So they left to collect him, he and Steve were gonna have a long talk.

But then the news came in.

Tony died in Siberia.

As a final act on revenge, FRIDAY released the footage.

And everything went to hell. 

Steve and Bucky were blamed for his death, despite the fact that he attacked first. 

Then more footage of their interactions with Tony came out, and they were called abusers, bullies. Everything that Steve stood against.

He can’t believe this is how it ended.

He was doing the right thing, of only Tony had listened, why can’t anyone see that if he had just listened then none of this would happen.

But when he said that in tv, everyone looked at him as he was crazy. They called him for disrespecting the dead.

Steve has a court date for the murder of Tony, one he knows will go out with him being cleared.

They do have some problems. Potts gave them the compound, but she cut all funding, no matter how much they asked. She didn’t give them a penny.

They have no gear to work with.

They were hated by the public each day more and more.

They weren’t treated as heroes, they were treated as enemies.

This was so unfair, and the man that could fix it, is gone. Letting them deal with his mistakes.

“Steve, we need to go to another meeting, to plan how to deal with this public unrest.” Natasha said.

“I’m coming Nat.”

It’s just a matter of time, soon they will be heroes again.

He is sure of it, he will live the life of glory once again.

As Shira groomed her cub, a familiar Asgardian watched.

“So this is your all new life Stark, perfect.”

Loki knows of the ice world bellow the Earth, he likes it, it makes him feel a bit home.

But it will also be his perfect place, for his revenge.

Stark’s dead, this is a totally new being. A cub cuddling with his mother, unable to even open his eyes.

Good for him, the Captain and his crew won’t see it that way.

It’s their turn to die too. 

Only Loki can fake death after all.


	2. New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Tony enjoys his new life while the rogues suffer more,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, another chapter of the crossover.
> 
> Here our new sweet baby Tony enjoys the new life he is given, as he is given the comforts of true parents. 
> 
> Also, more on Steve suffering, as we take more steps to his painfull death.

Litttle Tony now could open his eyes and walk.

He watched the sunrise, and in his mind, it was time to play.

He went to his parents.

“Mommy, Daddy, wake up !

Zzzzzz

Zzzzzz

“Mommy, Daddy !”

“It’s to early bud.”

“Go back to sleep honey, just give us an hour.”

“But you promised we would go when the sun was up, and it is up.”

The parents laid there until.

“I did say that, well I must keep my promise.”

Diego got up with a yawn.

“Come on, let’s let Mommy sleep more.”

“Ok ! Bye Mommy.”

“Bye baby, behave and listen to Daddy, I’ll meet you for breakfast soon.”

Diego tried catching up to his son.

“You’re to slow Daddy !”

“I’m not slow, I was sleeping and you woke me up.”

“Slowpoke.”

“Oh that’s it bud, you are getting it.”

Diego ran faster and catches his son.”

“Now is Daddy slow ?”

“No, Daddy’s fast !”

“Yeah, but I know there will be one day when you are going to be faster than me, one day Tony you’ll be the strongest.”

“Your son kicked your butt again eh ?” Manny said as he came.

“Hi Uncle Manny.”

“Hey buddy.”

“Here is Uncle Sid !” Sid said as he came from the woods.

“You’re up early.” Manny said.

“Brooke couldn’t handle the smell.” Diego laughed.

“Hey, she loves my smell. You see this is.....”

“Hey Son, remember the hunting lessons ?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s have some fun.”

Tony used what Diego taught him, and he pounced Sid when he was talking.

“AAAAAAH!”

“Jajajajajaja!”

“Good one bud, good one jajajajajaja!”

Meanwhile in the human world.

“What the fuck is this ?” Clint screamed.

“It’s a court order. FRIDAY got the footage from our plans to take Stark before he died, and Potts managed to get the courts to charge us with intent of kidnapping.”

“But we didn’t want to kidnap Tony, we just wanted to make sure he didn’t mess up again.”

“Well the world doesn’t see it that way Cap, and I’ll keep my mouth shut if I were you, the fact that you are the killer is not helping.”

“I didn’t kill Tony !”

“There is fucking video evidence so shut up !” Hill yelled.

“What happened to Stark is irrevelant right now, he is gone and there is nothing that can be done, what we need is a plan to win the people’s trust back.” Natasha said. “For now we are the only heroes the world has, but we know Rhodes and Vision are recruiting, if they manage to create a new team before we can get up again, we’re doomed.”

“Oh please, do you think they are gonna choose some newbies over us ?” Clint said.

“Yes. The people are mad, they want us down no matter what, if they see the new heroes as a way, then they will get us. Also you are forgetting Pepper is just as skilled with the media as Tony was, she can easily make the news turn against us.”

Steve got his hand in his hair. This should not be happening, they should be out there saving the world, not worrying about this stuff, they were Tony’s job, and since he is gone, Pepper should be taking care of it.

“I’m canceling the press conference, you 5 Idiots are a mess. I suggest you realize it before it’s too late.” Hill said as she walked away.

Steve sighted. Things shouldn’t be this way.

After all of their sacrifices, after everything they have done, this is what they get ?

He turned to poor Bucky.

“Don’t worry Bucky, we will fix this.”

Bucky just looked at him, and walked away.

Steve shared a look with his team, and followed him.

“Bucky Wait !”

“How can you be so calm Steve ? Don’t you realize what we did ?”

“I know things are tough but we will get them better.”

“Steve, we killed a man, there is no escaping this.”

Steve shook his head and held Bucky’s hand, ignoring his flinch.

“We didn’t kill Tony, it was an accident, and the world will see it that way soon.”

“Steve....”

“Maybe there is a way.”

Steve and Bucky saw a man aproch them.

“Who are you ? Steve demanded.

“My name is James C. And I have evidence that suggests that Tony Stark is alive, under the spell of the Asgardian traitor known as Loki.”

Wait...

Tony’s alive !

This changes everything ! 

If Steve saves him from Loki, then Tony will be so grateful he will do what they want, he will help them get their status, home, And money back.

Steve felt hope.

“AAAAH!”

Tony woke up in terror.

He had a nightmare, the one were a bad man hit him with something round.

He has it a lot, and he doesn’t know why.

But he knows how he doesn’t have it.

He got up, and walked to the thing that stoped the nightmares, his mother.

He loves everyone in the Herd, but his mother is his best friend, she is his hero, and the one that makes him feel more safe than ever.

“Mommy ?”

“Mmmm.”

“Mommy please wake up.”

Shira opened her eyes and saw her son in front of her, fresh tears in his eyes.

“Hi baby, I’m up, what’s worng ?”

“I had a nightmare.”

“The one of the bad man.”

“Yeah.”

Shira sighted, he has that nightmare a lot.

“Come here baby, sleep with me.”

Tony ran to her paws and laid on front of them.

“There you go, comfy ?”

“Yes Mommy.”

“Great, now close your eyes and try to sleep, and if you feel afraid, I am right here.”

“Mommy ?”

“Yeah ?”

“We are best friends right ?”

“Of course we are.”

“And you will never leave me alone.”

“Never, I promise you baby, Mommy will always be here for you, I love you so much.”

“I love you too Mommy.”

With that, Tony fell asleep with his mother.

Shira smiled and licked his head.

“I will never allow anything to happen to you.”

She held him close, and went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Tony, even as a baby, with no memories of his past life, Steve still screws up his dreams.
> 
> Well Shira ain’t having that. She will protect her son at all costs, so will Diego and the rest of the Herd.
> 
> Don’t worry little Tony, I won’t separate you from your Mommy, that’s a promise.
> 
> Oh Steve, your delusions are gonna cost you, a lot.
> 
> Loki begins his plan next.


	3. A Delusional Quest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve begins his delusional quest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The delusional quest begins. Our path includes craziness, stupidity, snd of course, delusions and more delusions, delusions every where ! 
> 
> The destination, well for us a good sweet mother and son moment, for Steve ......DEATH !

Steve and the others sat in the conference room.

“So the dick is alive, and the bigger dick has him.” 

“Correct Mr. Barton. But it’s complicated. You see, we need to go to the ice world to find him.”

“The ice world ?”

“Under the floor were we stand. The ice world is located. The ice world is full of creatures you thought extinct. Mammoths, sabre Tooth tigres, hell even some dinosaurs.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Allow me to show you the truth.”

“James” showed them the pictures and videos, he was saying the truth.

“I can’t believe this.” Sam said. “It’s real.”

“Fuck it makes sense. Thor told us Loki is half ice giant, and if this world is full of ice, then it will be easy for him to hold Stark.”

“Mr. Barton is correct once again. I’m afraid Loki has used a method to really hide Stark.”

“What do you mean ?” Natasha said.

“Loki has changed him to the body of one of the creatures there. It can be a giant adult, a elder, a baby.”

“So we don’t know in what shape his, no problem.” Wanda showed him her power.

“Sadly that won’t work. A magic barrier protects the ice world, no magic comes there. Don’t worry though, I have a device that will tell me what is not a true animal.”

Steve likes this man.

“All right, we have a plan. We go with James to the Ice World, we find and defeat Loki, and save Tony. After that he will fix everything for us.”

His team nodded.

“Avengers Aseemble.”

Loki watched as the idiots fell to his trap.

“Idiots. They don’t know they are going straight to their deaths.”

This was too easy.

Although there is something bothering Loki.

That man Barnes, there is something that is bothering him about him.

He feels something towards him, but he can’t put his finger on it.

He will keep an eye on him. Maybe, just maybe, Barnes can avoid the fate of the others.

Steve and Natasha called Rhodes. Once he learns the truth he will help him.

“What the hell do you want ?”

“We have some information about Tony.”

“What ?”

Steve told Rhodes everything.

“We are going to save him, back up would be nice.”

“Do you think I’m stupid ? That I would really believe that.”

“Rhodes...”

“Shut up Rogers. Don’t insult Tony’s memory, never call this number again.”

Rhodes hanged up.

“Well this is actually good.”

“What do you mean ?”

“We can show Tony who his true allies are.”

Steve lead the team to the ice cave.

“Everyone ready ?”

“Yes.”

“Well then Avengers, let’s fix this once and for all.”

With the rest of the Herd busy, Shira took her son to a walk, waiting for her husband to return to dinner.

“Mommy ?”

“Yes baby ?”

“Uncle Sid told me you were a pirate before joining the Herd and getting with Daddy, is that true ?”

Shira flinched at that.

She knows it was just a matter of time for Tony to find about her dark past, but she wanted to tell him herself. It’s the last time she is letting Sid baby seat.

“Yes.”

“Was it cool ?”

“Oh no it wasn’t. The best day of my life is when Daddy saved me. After you were born of course.”

“But, why wasn’t it cool ?”

“Tony, listen. I did mistakes as a pirate, mistakes I regret. The ape that lead me was a bad person, and at the time I did what he wanted, and it was wrong.”

Shira dropped her head on shame.

“But Mommy, if it wasn’t for that, you would have never met Daddy, and joined the Herd, and I wouldn’t have you.”

She looked at her son.

“Yeah that’s right, in the end it got me the best life in the world.”

Tony nuzzled his mother.

“Everyone does mistakes Mommy, you are still my hero.”

She is going to cry, she doesn’t deserve this.

“Thank you Baby. Now let’s go back, Daddy must have dinner ready, and I need to have a long talk with Uncle Sid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will always add Shira and Tony moment, that tiger loves her son a lot. I bet no one will try to separate them.
> 
> Right Steve ?


	4. Mother Instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Herd continues to travel but Shira’s mother instincts are spiking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shira is detecting Steve. Mother’s know best Steve, and you are learning that the hard way.

Shira watched her son play with Peaches and Julian.

“Come on bro- cousin, let’s rock !”

She smiled at that, but she is a bit worried.

“I’m worried about him Diego.”

That got her husband’s attention completely.

“What’s wrong, is he sick ? Is he feeling bad, I can get some herbs and...”

“It’s not that. Remember I’m the overprotective one. He still has the same nightmare, he woke me up again last night because of it. “

“He’s a little kid Shira, he can barley run. He is bound two have an imagination.”

“But he has never even seen a human before, he only knows about the baby you saved with Manny and Sid, and his father, both kind humans. We have given him no reason to be afraid if them. I haven’t told him about Gutt for that reason. He’s just the bad monkey you saved me from. I don’t want him to....”

“Shira, Relax. Listen he will stop having that nighmare in time, he is still a baby boy. And you have been an excelent Mother. He is happy.”

She saw him laugh as his Uncle Sid and Aunt Brooke joined the game.

“Yeah, he is.”

Still, she has this feeling someone is chasing him, trying to get him.

If her mother instinct is right, that person just signed his or her death warrant.

“It’s freezing !” Wanda complained.

“Of course it is, it’s not called the Ice World for nothing.” “James” said.

“How much longer James ?” Steve asked.

“We need to track the right animal Captain, there is no clear destination. Just seeing as much animals, but do NOT, I say it again, DO NOT, let them see you. Magic doesn’t work in this world, and this creatures are way stronger than us, specially the mammoths and the sabers, don’t let eather of those see you.”

Now Loki is lying about the magic part. This world does make it weaker, but not imposible. Maximoff could use her magic, if Loki hadn’t stripped her powers as soon as they got here. 

She has no idea, and if his plan goes accordingly. She will never know.

Loki did his reaserch, the group of animals that Anthony was reborn into, are considered the heroes of this place. With his parents being the most dangerous animals around.

Not even Rogers stands a chance against them. His strength is unnatural, theirs is natural, the latter always beats the former.

Also, nothing is more dangerous than a mother, and he is showing Rogers that the hard way.

So what’s his plan after he takes this fools ? He is not touching his brother or the Hulk, they are to much. He is actually planning to stay here. In this ice world. It’s hidden from everyone, even Heimdall, and he kind of feels like home in here.

He will build himself a house and use his magic to get food and all of his comforts, and then he will just enjoy himself, he can rest.”

Although he is concidering sparing Barnes. There is something about him that is getting into Loki.

All in time. First he has to find the sabers, and watch them finish the job.

That’s offcourse if nothing kills them first. With their delusions, is bound to happen.

Bucky liked this place. 

He enjoys nature, and there is nothing but that in here.

No Hydra, no mean people. No one that knows his triggers, nothing.

He feels safe.

Almost like he wants to stay.

Of course, there are the giant animals that are bound to try to eat him, but if he stayed in the shadows, he could do it. The cold doesn’t bother him, and he can become vegetarian, there are tons of veggies here. 

He feels they shouldn’t even be here, this animals have done nothing to them. 

What if Stark is happy here. Steve and the others seem to hate him, why didn’t they just leave him here.

What if Star really died, and this is just his new life. James has hinted he is a cub.

Well Bucky knows one thing, you should never mess with a mother. 

He hopes Steve remembers that.

“Daddy can you carry me ?”

“Sure thing Buddy, get in here.”

Diego grabbed Tony and got him on his back.

“Carefull honey, Don’t drop him.”

“Relax honey, I won’t let anything hurt him.” He told Shira.

“Why do you seem so scared Mommy ?”

“Call is the Mommy Instict Sweetie, I can’t let anything happen to the most precious thing of my life.”

“Mommy, you will make Daddy feel jealous.”

“He’s right Shira, you hurt my feelings.” Diego complained fakely.

“O shush you two, I love you both.”

Soon Tony fell asleep on Diego’s back.

“You are worried again.”

“I have this feeling, someone is watching him, someone wants to hurt him.”

“I would find it improbable, but Ellie had the same feelings when Peaches was a baby, and they were true, one ended with a angry Manny attacking some vultures. The mother instinct never lies. I will talk to Manny, you know he will fight anyone that tries to hurt the Herd, and I’ll tear apart who touches our son.”

“Thanks Softie, But you are forgetting a key detail.”

“What is it Kitty ?”

“That’s my baby, and if anyone tries to hurt him, there is no way I won’t have my peace of tearing him apart. No one hurts my baby, no one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will feature the death of a rogue.
> 
> What ? Thought I would only kill Steve ? Nah. None of the 5 Delusionals are walking out of this. 
> 
> Who wants to crush Natasha’s ego ?


	5. Spiders Always Get Crushed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha’s ego finally bites her back in the ass, and in a way she can’t recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehehe
> 
> Oh itsy bitsy, time for you to make your final web, because there is no other place you can make it.
> 
> When a spider threatens a family, it tends to be crushed.

“GRANNY ?”

“Sid, you will wake Tony up !”

“I’m sorry Diego, I can’t find Granny.”

“We know Sid, you have yelled about it all day.” Manny said.

“GRAAAAAANYYYYYYYYY !”

“Sid, come on, this is nothing new, she tends to wander off, and the she returns, nothing out of the usual.”

“Yeah, What is she gonna do, kill someone ?”

Natasha hates his trip.

She hates that she made the wrong choice. She hate Steve is so stubborn. She hates that they have to search for Stark, in this frozen land full of animals that by all means should be extinct.

Yet there is no choice, without Stark to spin things on her favor, she’s screwed. She could try to turn against Steve. But that won’t work. She is doomed to make the man’s ego bigger so he can save her.

Oh she hates that so much.

She has to take her anger out on something. Maybe a punny animal. This things should be dead anyway.

She went to the forest to search for it.

Loki watched her with a smile.

“One down.”

Natasha looked for anything to beat up. 

“God Stark, did you had to end up in this frozen hell. God I hate nature.”

She doesn’t know who she’s angrier with, Stark or Steve. 

Both will pay in the end.

“PRECIOUS !”

She heard a animal moan. This is it.

There is no way this creatures can defeat her skills.

Granny walked to where Natasha was.

“Precious, Mama needs you. I can’t find Sidney to chew this pineapple for me, so I need you to do it.”

Natasha stepped in front of Granny.

“Hey human, let me pass.”

“Hey sloth, want to help me for something ?”

Granny knows what this dump human wants.

“Oooooooh, you want to fight Granny ? Let’s go !”

Granny moved at insloth speed and attacked Natasha with her cane.

She hit her on her ankle.

“AAAAAH!”

“What ? To much for you ?”

Natasha growled and tried kicking the sloth.

She was gone before her foot landed.

“What ?”

“Over here !”

Natasha saw the sloth in her shoulders.

“Yeeehaaaa, I’m a cowboy !”

Granny started hitting Natasha on her head.

“Get off me you stupid creature !”

“Stupid ? I know stupidity when I see it. Compared to you, Sidney is the smartest animal out there !”

Granny hitted Natasha harder with her cane.

“Let’s go !”

She Natasha ran to the cliff.

No matter what Natasha did, she was unable to get the sloth of her back, every punch was returned.

“What the hell are you ?”

“I’m Granny ! And I protect my family.”

With that Granny got of Natasha’s shoulder.

“I’m just doing Shira a little favor, taking one of the people that want her sweet little cub.”

With that Granny pushed Natasha off the cliff. 

“Precious !”

Natasha watched as a whale came out of the water, and opened her mouth.

“NOOOOOO!”

Natasha was on the jaws of the whale when she closed it. Her blood ended in Granny’s face.

“Yuck, so much ketchup !”

Loki laughed.

The spider, the one that called herself perfect. Was killed by an elder with no effort.

God her ego must have been crushed before she was crushed literally.

“Spiders end up crushed when they threaten families.”

He walked back.

One down, 4 to go.

Shira was taking her son for a walk, as her husband is patrolling with Manny and Sid.

“Hey silver !”

Shira groaned. 

“Hey Granny, Sid is...”

She saw her covered in blood.

She immediately covered Tony’s eyes.

“What the hell happened to you ?”

“Oh this isn’t my ketchup. A human try to fight me but I showed her.”

“A human ?”

Her feeling got stronger, she is keeping her baby close from now on.

“Well, I’m off to find my Grandson. He has to chew my pineapple.”

“You know, Brooke is at the flower petals. Why don’t you ask her, she is Sid’s mate.”

“Great idea !”

Granny left.

“Mommy, can I see now ?”

“Oh. Yeah, sorry baby.”

“Did I do something wrong ?”

“What ! No sweetie, Granny just did something crazy. And you are a smart boy, I can’t let you see it.”

“But Granny is very funny.”

“That’s true, and she doesn’t insult you. So there’s that.”

She quickly got off the topic.

“Hey, want to play a game with me sweetie ?”

“Yes !”

“Good, let’s go back home and we will play whatever you want.”

She carried her son on her back, and ran home. He giggled all the way.

That giggle is something she’s protecting. The humans better back off.

Or they are getting her rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So long spider, no one is going to miss you.
> 
> And what better way to shame her but by having a Grandmother kill her. But well. Granny fought 3 Dino birds at the same time and easily won. Why would Natasha be any trouble ?


	6. Figaroooooo!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evil birds ? Buck always hunts them down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back ! Got the rest of the story ready for you all !
> 
> For today, let’s let old Buck take care of evil birdy.

Steve was very worried.

Nat said she was going to oversee the area, but she never returned.

“What’s in your mind Cap ?” Sam asked.

Steve smilled at him, Sam is such a good friend, he can always count in him.

He knows he can make Tony he a friend like that, he just has to listen to Steve’s words.

“I’m worried for Nat, she still has to return.”

“Shit. She went on her own, with this world full of creatures, some that could kill her !”

“She’s Nat, she can handle herself.”

“Still. We are more than a team, we’re a family. We take care of each other. I will go looking for her.”

Steve smiled at Sam. He’s right, the Avengers are more than just a team, they are family. Why Tony wanted to destroy it, it’s beyond him, but he will fix it.

“Ok, be careful Sam.”

“WOAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Buck was thrown by Rudy to the world of the mammals.

“Ah, the big guy is kinda pissed today,”

He looked at his surroundings.

“Well, if I’m here, might as well go visit my fellow mammals. I heard that the tigers had a cub, better go and say hi to it.”

Sam flew threw the skies.

“Nat, where are you.”

His could this world be even real ? All of this animals should be extinct.

What the fuck Stark, out of all of the places he had to end here, not only is it freezing, he could put all of this animals at risk.

They have to find him and fix his mess again, like the true heroes they are.

What Sam didn’t notice, is that when he flew, he made some eggs fall, and a mother yell in despair.

Something that Buck did.

“NOOOOO!”

Buck went into action, he jumped around the trees and grabbed all of the eggs.

He glared at Sam in anger.

“Looks like this birdie, needs a little lesson.”

First, he gave the eggs to the mother.

“Don’t worry mam, even if they are alive, I will avenge them. I am the Avenger now !”

Buck used a branch to get himself to the air.

“And I will use the power, of singing !”

He landed in top of Sam’s jet pack.

“A mother is crying, a damsel in distress,  
Foreboding intruders have made such a mess.   
What I detect is a lack of respect,   
For all that is precious and dear!”

“What the hell !” Sam cried as a weasel stared messing with his pack.

“I am the priceless protector of this lost world.  
But my friends call me Buck.”

He jumped to Sam’s head and stared slapping.

“Wow, you are a ugly birdie.”

Sam groaned and threw Buck to the air. 

Buck just grinned and dived to Sam’s pack.

I have a message:   
"Bullies not welcome,   
Return what you've stolen.  
Go back where you came from."

Sam tried to collide with him face first. Fully intending to kill him.

“Lalalalalalalalala !”

“I’m going to kill you rodent !”

Sam got out his guns, but for some reason, they didn’t work. Dam it, they needed Stark to make mantainance. 

Buck grabbed his knife and landed in Sam’s face.

“You know I'm greater,   
So don't be a hater.   
You may be Jurassic,   
But I am fantastic!

Fiiiiiiigaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Fiiiiiiiggaaaaroooooo...!”

He noticed he was in Sam’s face.

“Hey, humans aren’t suppose to fly.

He jumped to the pack and started destroying it.

“Running,  
and Climbing,   
and Spinning,   
and Grinning,   
and Ducking,   
and Diving,   
and Dodging,   
and Sliding,   
and Gliding,   
and Staying alive,   
And these are the few of the things that I do before lunch!”

“Stop you stupid anima !” Sam tried getting it off. He was loosing control.

“Death defying!   
Danger denying!   
Look I'm flying!   
You might think I'm mad,   
But Hey! You only live once!”

“Steve, can you hear me ! I’m losing control ! Steve heeeelp!”

“No need to thank me.   
But if you insist,   
I won't resist.   
Who smells like fish!?

Hold on to your butts!”

Buck jumped before Sam crashed into a mountain.

“AAAAAAAAH!”

KABOOOM!

Sam’s jet pack exploded just as he crashed in the mountain, killing him. His body parts spread threw the icy floor. The vultures had free lunch today.

Buck landed safely in a tree.

“MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Loki laughed that crazy.

He gives the animal 11/10,that show was amazing.

2 down, 3 to go.

Shira watched her husband teach their son how to hunt, they had been practicing all day long.

“Allright, you have to stay downwind, and when you prey is distracted, you hunt.”

“Ok Daddy.”

“Pounce in 3....2....1”

“HI TIGERS !”

Instead of being greeted, Buck got pounced.

“Ooof.”

“Buck !”

“Hello !”

Diego gently grabbed Tony and paced him off Buck. Shira came in to make sure he didn’t get anything strange from the weasel. He is a good friend, but not the he’s higene.

“Buddy What are you doing here ?”

“I heard that you had a cub, and came to see the little....”

“He’s a male Buck.”

“The little guy !”

“Daddy who is that ?”

“That’s our friend Buck. The one that saved us from Rudy and the asteroid.”

“That Buck ! He’s so cool !”

“I like him already !”

“Why is your fur burned ?” Shira asked.

“The life of an adventurer, never ends.”

Shira just rolled her eyes.

“Well, we were almost done ever, want to see the others ?”

“Sure.”

The 4 made their way back to the Herd.

“Mommy, can you carry me ?”

“Sure baby, come here.”

She grabbed him, and placed him on her back.

She did noticed that Buck smelled a bit like human, first Granny and now him.

Well however they are, they better stay away from her family, or they won’t even have the time to regret it, because they will be in a world of pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jajajajaja ja. Sam got nothing against Buck here.
> 
> Next chapter, maybe we should show the remaining rouges what a true leader looks like. 
> 
> It’s Manny’s turn !


	7. The Fake Father meets a Real Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint thinks he can hunt down a herd. Manny teaches him a lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I UPDATED THIS.
> 
> Yet with the news of Blue Sky, it seems feeling to end this little story. 
> 
> Oh Blue Sky. You weren't the best, but I'll miss you. I will always be thank for most of your movies. I have many fond memories of them. From the charming Ferdinand, to the sweet Peanuts movie. The funny Rio movies, and of course, the Ice Age franchise. You only made 13 movies, but you will always be remembered. 
> 
> Farewell Blue Sky Studios.

It has been a long time since Sam and Nat left. 

Clint was bored. He hated being confined to a place. But James insisted that this place was very dangerous. 

Ha ! Like Clint is afraid of some animals, what can they do to an expert archer like him ? Nothing. 

Clint looked at the sky, and remembered his children and Laura. She had kicked him out of the house shortly after the Civil War, when Stark was pronounced dead. 

But she'll see that he was right. That he had to do what he did. Once they find Stark, and Steve forces him to the the truth. He is sure he'll be welcomed back with open hands. 

And he should bring his kids a gift. How cool would they look when they are the only ones with the heads of real life thought to be extinct animals. 

Yes, Clint will have his life back. He just has to wait. 

He got his bow and left to hunt. It will help him pass the time while Sam finds Nat. 

Loki meanwhile watched the man go. 

"Yes Barton, continue on. You were always a foolish man, I'll be happy to see you go." 

Romanoff's and Wilson's deaths were so fun, but this one, he will enjoy it even more. 

"AAAAAH, MANNY HELP, MANNYYYYYYY!" 

"What now." Manny growled. 

He went to Sid, who was running in circles in panic. 

"Sid, what's going on ?" 

"It's terrible, it's very bad !" 

"Let me guess. You forgot what Brooke's favorite fruit is ?" 

"No." 

"The rhinos are chasing you again ?" 

"No." 

"You were supposed to take care of Tony, but you lost him and now Shira wants to kill you." 

"If that had happened. I would already be dead." 

"Good point. Then what is it !" 

"What was I scared about........oh right. HUNTERS !" 

"What !" 

"A man with a bow was seen hunting some of the deer !" 

"That's.....that's not happening. Come Sid, we gotta stop them. If that guy gets close to Ellie or Peaches, he will regret it." 

Clint sighted. Another boring pray. 

"Aren't this things supposed to be long extinct ? Why are they just like normal deer ?" 

"Wooohooo !" 

Clint swore he heard an animal make a noice, and he turned towards it. 

Sid was at the other side of the hill, dancing. 

"Hey, you ugly man, come here so you can feel the wrath of Sid the sloth !" 

"What the hell is that thing ? No matter. He does look unique. He's perfect. 

Clint ran towards Sid, preparing to shoot an arrow. 

"Oh so you think you can catch me because I am a sloth ? Well this sloth is about to become faster than you !" 

Sid then jumped to the snowy hill and grabbed a pair of skis. 

"What. Is that thing Skying ?" 

Clint ran down the hill, desperate trying to shoot Sid. 

But somehow the sloth was faster, and able to dodge all of his arrows. 

"Ha ha, to slow, nananana!" Sid mocked. Something Clint could tell was happening. 

"AAAR !" Clint yelled in fury. 

"Oooh look at this. A slide !" 

Sid jumped off his skis and slid down the ice slide. 

"Wooohooo !" 

"AAAAH I'LL GET YOU YOU STUPUD SLOTH !" 

Clint however didn't notice the ice, and slid down in it. 

"FUCK !" 

"Hey, no cursing. This slide is used by children !" 

Sid slid gracefully, once again dodging all of Clint's arrows. 

"Come on you stupid thing, DIE !" 

However, Clint was very bad in the ice, and constantly crashed into rocks. 

"OW, FUCK, HOW, OW !" 

"You are too slow !" 

Suddenly, Sid slid to a ramp. 

"Wooohoooo !" 

"AAAAAAAH!" Clint yelled as he also went threw the ramp. 

"Wow. Should I have know ice was your weakness. I would have end you with it a long time ago Barton." Loki giggled as he watched the events happen.

Clint was covered in snow when he landed form the ramp. 

"THAT'S IT, WHERE ARE YOU STUPID SLOTH !" 

Clint was furious. He would not tolerate that humiliation. He'll kill that sloth, as painfully as he is going to hurt Stark when they found him. 

His thoughts were interrupted when someone tapped his shoulder. 

"WHA......oh." 

In front of Clint, was no sloth. But a giant Mammoth. 

Clint got his bow ready, but then noticed....he had no arrows left. He wasted them all with the sloth. 

Manny grabbed the bow and snapped it in half with his trunk. 

Clint had no weapon, so he did the smart thing. 

"AAAAAR !" Clint tried to attack Manny, who wasn't even hurt by his simple punch. 

"Really, this guy thinks a simple human punch can hurt me ? He had fought Soto, the sea monsters, Rudy, and Gutt and his crew. Those knew how to hurt. This guy is just pathetic. 

Manny rammed his tusk on Clint's torso. 

"AAAAAH!" Clint yelled, spitting blood. 

"You really think that you can hurt innocent animals, and that I would allow it. No buddy, my family is here. And I'll do anything to protect them. " 

He grabbed Clint with his trunk. 

"Hey Manny, let me at him !" Sid came.

"Sure buddy." 

He held Clint as a boxing bag, and allow Sid to hit him with a stick. 

"That's what you get you ugly man." Sid continue to beat him up. "I hope you had no children, because you are the worst !" 

Then Manny threw Clint to a cave. 

"Let this be a lesson to your friends. NEVER come back !" 

Clint landed hard on a wall. 

"Wha....what just happened ?" 

He had a bad wound on his torso. And his body was full of cuts. 

But then he heard the cave shake from his landing. 

And just when he looked up, several ice spikes were falling straight towards him. 

"LAURA !" He yelled before getting impaled. 

Clint died before ever seen his children again. 

"Now that was entertaining." Loki said as he examined Barton's dead body. "Wow, this animals are really making a number on you all." 

He had to return to camp now. Rogers must be freaking out over....something. He still can't stand the man. 

"Now the only ones left are the Captain and the witch. I wonder who'll be next ?" 

Meanwhile, Shira was out hunting for her family. 

"What's that......is that." 

She knew that smell. Fresh human blood.

She knew it, her mother instincts were alerting her that something was off. 

"That's it. I'm getting the others and we are gonna find out who this people are. No one will hurt my baby, no one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there goes Clint. 
> 
> Sorry to make this short. But come on. What chance does Clint have against a Mammoth ? None. 
> 
> Next up, is Wanda. That will be fun. I got a gruesome end for her planned. And it's nothing compared to what will happen to Steve. 
> 
> I know I have been away from Marvel for so long. My focus is in my story "The Path of the Emperor." But good news, that story only has 5 chapters left ! Once it's done. I'll be back on the marvel world. 
> 
> I have other stories like this planned. Short funny stories where Team Cap meets their end. Two are already on the work. One is another Ice Age crossover, but this one features Tony being alive ! But he has a minor role. Little Morgan would take the spotlight. The other one is like this, but set in Rio. Tony being reborn as a macaw, and having to go with Blu and Jewel on the event of the 1st film. Oh and Team Cap is chasing them around (thanks to Loki) and also meet their deaths.

**Author's Note:**

> The icy adventure begins.
> 
> Tony restarts his life in a happy way.
> 
> And Steve begins his path to a painful fate.
> 
> Are you ready for him to scream for mercy and no one helps him ?
> 
> I hope you join me on this short but sweet journey, which is also very painful to the rogues.


End file.
